Thursday, September 26, 2013

Own Your Real

Let me hear your story!


I am back bitches!
Own Your Real


 
I haven’t been able to blog for a week because it’s been a little crazy regarding my schedule. I honestly did not think people would miss my little dorky blog. I actually had friends asking me, better yet yelling at me because they were tired of logging into my blog and not seeing anything new. It was very touching (so thank you, you know who you are).
So how is everyone doing with our challenge? This Sunday will be 3 weeks! I am still on my challenge but I must admit I found comfort in dropping 5 lbs and gained 2 back!
This is my real for the past week,
Last Wednesday I decided to weigh myself and “survey said” minus 5 pounds bitches!!!! 5 lbs! To me 5 lbs is the impossible zone. I felt great seeing that number. It’s as if I became another person when I saw 5 lbs less on the scale, as if before the five pounds I was feeling like Ricky Lake and after the 5 pounds as hot as Ricky Martin! I had the best weekend. I still wake-up at 420 to go to the gym and also to go running. I am running an average of 22 miles per week outdoors and about 6 miles indoors.  Last Friday, I went out with my girlfriends for a nice girls night out (more like dinner out only). I had a little wine, had bread, salad, nice dinner and carrot cake for dessert. Then I slept in and at night cheated with a little pizza. On Sunday I was feeling guilty because I was not as focus the past 2 days. I got up and just ran outside. I ran my crazy miles and ate great the rest of the day. I am thinking to myself it’s Monday and I am going to try to work-out all 7 days. I want to have a great week for it’s my birthday weekend. I did my cardio on Monday. I ate well Monday. Tuesday comes around and I have a great workout with my OTF family. I am thinking maybe I dropped another pound. Wrong! I got on the scale and noticed I had gained 3 pounds!!!! 3 pounds!!! Ricky Martin became Ricky Lake again. I was so annoyed!!! You know the rest of my day went to shit. The entire day I was annoyed and short with people. If anyone asked me to do something, I would bark at them. All I wanted to do was eat ice cream! When my husband was making dinner all I wanted to do was order pizza. When my son was having his crackers all I wanted to do was dip myself into a jar full of chocolate chip cookies. I wanted my comfort food!
As soon as the scale goes up, I want food.
Why? When it’s the one reason it went up in the first place”
Why is it that when we feel that we are fat or gaining  weight the only thing that makes us feel better is comfort food? (The food that got us to gain weight in the first place).Why is it that when something goes wrong in our lives we turn to our addiction, the only one that makes us feel better?  It’s like sleeping with the one guy (or girl) your mother said was not good for you. You know he (she) will amount to nothing but you want more of it because what is wrong feels so good! Like Food! What is bad taste so good! Why is it that our addictions can be so strong that they break us? Why is it that addictions make us feel shameful?  Why is it that the one thing we want during our weakest moments is the one thing that will make us feel like shit the next day?
“If food addictions are so bad then why do they taste so good?”
I know I have an addictive personality with food. I have certain foods that I cannot stay away from. I cannot stay away from cake. It’s my damn birthday week and I am going to see cake all over the place! I don’t want to say no to it!!! I don’t want to hurt its feelings! It’s only reason for living is for birthdays. I cannot deprive him of that. I won’t. However, I will make him understand that just because it’s my birthday and I am looking kind of fabulous, I cannot allow him to come back into my life and expect to have me back at “Happy Birthday.” 
“Whoever invented cake clearly did not have a weight problem!”
I have said this a million times and I will say it a million more, I LOVE JUNK FOOD! However, I have reached a point in my life that I become what I eat. If I eat like shit, I look like shit but if I ate well, I look good. So, I take care of what I put inside so the outside looks less scary. I know I cannot eat pizza because it gives me heart burn. I know I cannot eat ice cream because my face breaks out. I know I cannot drink liquor because I will get bloated. I know I need to make sacrifices to see rewards. However, I don’t think that enjoying myself for 1 night, well maybe 2 nights, and well maybe 3 nights should have been the cause to gain back 3 pounds!!!! 
Truth is it kind of does make sense. I lost focus the moment I had carrot cake with vanilla ice cream for the first time in my life. I literally had a food orgasm!  If I knew it was going to taste that good I would have never tried it.
“Your mouth cannot miss what it has never tasted”
If I knew I was going to go out that one night and enjoy myself, I should have been a little more careful with my intake.  But I wanted to enjoy myself and enjoy the 5 pounds I had lost. But that is where the problem is?  This is what mentally makes you or breaks you. It’s like winning $1000 and spending it all out in 1 night! The next day you are left with nothing! Enjoying myself is one thing but enjoying the 5 pounds is another.  If I tell myself “I lost 5 pounds I can afford a little cheating”, then I need to make sure I have a plan the next day to work-out and clean my system by drinking water all day and staying away from foods that bloat me. If I know I am going to cheat, I need to make up for the cheating”.  However, I did not do this. The next day I slept in and did not go running or to the gym. Instead, I cheated more and more! On Sunday I woke up like a crack-head needing a fix. I needed my fix of nasty, muggy, humid weather sweat! I went for my crazy run and felt much better but felt belly heavy.  I ended the weekend by dropping 1 more pound.
This weekend is not going to be easy to drop those 8 remaining pounds. I have a birthday coming up this weekend and you know what that means.
1)      Drinking
2)      Dinner
3)      Cake
4)      Ice Cream
5)      Mom’s cooking
I am going to have to be very careful with over eating but most of all I am going to have to be very careful not to gain another 2 pounds because then I am back up to my 10 pounds. I have 6 weeks left after this upcoming Sunday to drop the rest of the 8 pounds for G’s challenge. It looked as if I was going to be ahead of the curve but now I am not so sure if I am ever going to see curves at all!
I have been working out all week and trying to burn plenty of calories so when I get on the scale I don’t go postal on it and break it. I want to get on the scale and smile and have it smile back at me. If the scale remains the same I will see it as a positive thing. The plan for this upcoming weekend is not to gain weight at all! I don’t want to start my 38th birthday the same way I have started all my birthdays, feeling like a fatass and not having anything to wear. I want to feel healthy, happy and fabulous.
I am able to laugh at myself now because I am comfortable in my own skin. I can get on a scale and see a number I don’t like without crying. I can look at the scale and say okay that’s what you say now, give me time to make you change your mind and you will bitch!  I do not wake-up every day wondering how many calories I am allowed to eat today. I do not wonder every minute of the day how many calories I’ve had. I don’t obsess anymore with wanting to look likes something I know I won’t be able to look like unless I travel to Colombia and get myself a new body to go.  I hate gaining weight just like most women do. I hate trying something on and it not fitting. I hate not being able to wear new trends because they don’t look good for my body type. But I have learned if something does not look right in one size there is always another size. It does not matter if the size is bigger or smaller as long as the size is right for me! This does not mean I am going to let myself go and just buy bigger clothes! It means I must continue working out and maintaining so I can wear the right size for me.

                         "There is nothing more attractive then a woman dressed in confidence!"
 I don’t worry about what people think about me anymore. I don’t worry about what people say about me. The only thing I worry about is what I think of me. The only thing I worry about is making sure I wake up at 4:20 to be at the gym. The only thing I worry about is morning rain so it does not impact my running. The only thing I worry about is making sure I am healthy for my son and my family. The only thing I care about is making sure I fit into my right size. 
My scale told me I had gained weight but my right size told me I was smaller. I tried on pants I had not tried on in 5 years and they fit right! Did they fit me tight, a little but they fit bitches! The scale might say I am heavier but my pants said otherwise. This is why I do not go by scales but I do understand it has a job to do. The job of a scale is to report a number regarding how much my entire body weights as a hole. Fat is just a part of the total, it is not the entire number.  It takes everything else into consideration and less face it fabulousness weights a little extra.
We need to see ourselves as the entire package and
 not just see ourselves by the things we do not like.
I could have given up this past week on my blog, on my challenge and on you. I could have said the hell with this and lost the motivation to continue. I could have lied and said I am on the right track. But I did not! I made the time to come back to the blog and post. I made the time to continue working out and running every day (sometimes even harder and stronger). I made the time to continue to make better decisions with my food intake (with cake exception).  I got back on the elliptical!
If you gave your challenge a break, then let’s get back together! If you continued your challenge, even if you haven’t done it perfect, you did not give in or give up! If you have reached your goal or are almost there, you are exactly the type of motivation we are looking for! Keep it up!
We are not always going to have time to work-out, train, run, walk, etc. We are not always going to stick to a diet. We are not always going to like the number on the scale. We will turn to comfort food. We might like to have a drink or two. We will eat ice cream. We will get annoyed with ourselves for not working out. We will feel the difference when we don’t go out for a jog.  We will kick ourselves in the ass for messing up. Then we own it, accept it and get to it! We start again by getting up and going to the gym.  We do it by going out for a run. We do it by skipping the cookie aisles. We do it by drinking more water and no soda. We do it by cooking our meals at home if we have the time. We do it by controlling our intake. We do it because we can. We do it because we are worth it.  We do it because we deserve it. We do it because we own it. We do it because we are real! If we cannot be real with ourselves then who can we be real with? The past week I enjoyed myself and now it’s time to own my real.
“There is nothing more comforting then owning your own real”
"We often turn to food, drinking, drugs, gambling, spending, etc. to feel better about ourselves. We turn to things to take us away from the reality of the scale or the reality of our lives. We try to escape but only to come back to the reality of our truth. If we can start by finding comfort in our own skin vs. comfort in other things like food, then maybe we can stop running from our reality and instead face it and run towards it with thick skin."
"It is not about finding comfort in food but instead finding comfort in your own skin"
Do you own your real?
 
Loves
gFoReal
 
I will write again sometime this weekend.
I will weigh myself again on Sunday (the day of my birthday, I hope the scale doesn’t make me cry but instead gives me a nice bday present J
 



 

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I got this G!