Own Your Real

Let me hear your story!

I am back bitches!

Own Your Real

 

I haven’t been able to blog for a week because it’s been a little crazy regarding my schedule. I honestly did not think people would miss my little dorky blog. I actually had friends asking me, better yet yelling at me because they were tired of logging into my blog and not seeing anything new. It was very touching (so thank you, you know who you are).

So how is everyone doing with our challenge? This Sunday will be 3 weeks! I am still on my challenge but I must admit I found comfort in dropping 5 lbs and gained 2 back!

This is my real for the past week,

Last Wednesday I decided to weigh myself and “survey said” minus 5 pounds bitches!!!! 5 lbs! To me 5 lbs is the impossible zone. I felt great seeing that number. It’s as if I became another person when I saw 5 lbs less on the scale, as if before the five pounds I was feeling like Ricky Lake and after the 5 pounds as hot as Ricky Martin! I had the best weekend. I still wake-up at 420 to go to the gym and also to go running. I am running an average of 22 miles per week outdoors and about 6 miles indoors.  Last Friday, I went out with my girlfriends for a nice girls night out (more like dinner out only). I had a little wine, had bread, salad, nice dinner and carrot cake for dessert. Then I slept in and at night cheated with a little pizza. On Sunday I was feeling guilty because I was not as focus the past 2 days. I got up and just ran outside. I ran my crazy miles and ate great the rest of the day. I am thinking to myself it’s Monday and I am going to try to work-out all 7 days. I want to have a great week for it’s my birthday weekend. I did my cardio on Monday. I ate well Monday. Tuesday comes around and I have a great workout with my OTF family. I am thinking maybe I dropped another pound. Wrong! I got on the scale and noticed I had gained 3 pounds!!!! 3 pounds!!! Ricky Martin became Ricky Lake again. I was so annoyed!!! You know the rest of my day went to shit. The entire day I was annoyed and short with people. If anyone asked me to do something, I would bark at them. All I wanted to do was eat ice cream! When my husband was making dinner all I wanted to do was order pizza. When my son was having his crackers all I wanted to do was dip myself into a jar full of chocolate chip cookies. I wanted my comfort food!

“As soon as the scale goes up, I want food.

Why? When it’s the one reason it went up in the first place”

Why is it that when we feel that we are fat or gaining  weight the only thing that makes us feel better is comfort food? (The food that got us to gain weight in the first place).Why is it that when something goes wrong in our lives we turn to our addiction, the only one that makes us feel better?  It’s like sleeping with the one guy (or girl) your mother said was not good for you. You know he (she) will amount to nothing but you want more of it because what is wrong feels so good! Like Food! What is bad taste so good! Why is it that our addictions can be so strong that they break us? Why is it that addictions make us feel shameful?  Why is it that the one thing we want during our weakest moments is the one thing that will make us feel like shit the next day?

“If food addictions are so bad then why do they taste so good?”

I know I have an addictive personality with food. I have certain foods that I cannot stay away from. I cannot stay away from cake. It’s my damn birthday week and I am going to see cake all over the place! I don’t want to say no to it!!! I don’t want to hurt its feelings! It’s only reason for living is for birthdays. I cannot deprive him of that. I won’t. However, I will make him understand that just because it’s my birthday and I am looking kind of fabulous, I cannot allow him to come back into my life and expect to have me back at “Happy Birthday.” 

“Whoever invented cake clearly did not have a weight problem!”

I have said this a million times and I will say it a million more, I LOVE JUNK FOOD! However, I have reached a point in my life that I become what I eat. If I eat like shit, I look like shit but if I ate well, I look good. So, I take care of what I put inside so the outside looks less scary. I know I cannot eat pizza because it gives me heart burn. I know I cannot eat ice cream because my face breaks out. I know I cannot drink liquor because I will get bloated. I know I need to make sacrifices to see rewards. However, I don’t think that enjoying myself for 1 night, well maybe 2 nights, and well maybe 3 nights should have been the cause to gain back 3 pounds!!!! 

Truth is it kind of does make sense. I lost focus the moment I had carrot cake with vanilla ice cream for the first time in my life. I literally had a food orgasm!  If I knew it was going to taste that good I would have never tried it.

“Your mouth cannot miss what it has never tasted”

If I knew I was going to go out that one night and enjoy myself, I should have been a little more careful with my intake.  But I wanted to enjoy myself and enjoy the 5 pounds I had lost. But that is where the problem is?  This is what mentally makes you or breaks you. It’s like winning $1000 and spending it all out in 1 night! The next day you are left with nothing! Enjoying myself is one thing but enjoying the 5 pounds is another.  If I tell myself “I lost 5 pounds I can afford a little cheating”, then I need to make sure I have a plan the next day to work-out and clean my system by drinking water all day and staying away from foods that bloat me. If I know I am going to cheat, I need to make up for the cheating”.  However, I did not do this. The next day I slept in and did not go running or to the gym. Instead, I cheated more and more! On Sunday I woke up like a crack-head needing a fix. I needed my fix of nasty, muggy, humid weather sweat! I went for my crazy run and felt much better but felt belly heavy.  I ended the weekend by dropping 1 more pound.

This weekend is not going to be easy to drop those 8 remaining pounds. I have a birthday coming up this weekend and you know what that means.

1)      Drinking

2)      Dinner

3)      Cake

4)      Ice Cream

5)      Mom’s cooking

I am going to have to be very careful with over eating but most of all I am going to have to be very careful not to gain another 2 pounds because then I am back up to my 10 pounds. I have 6 weeks left after this upcoming Sunday to drop the rest of the 8 pounds for G’s challenge. It looked as if I was going to be ahead of the curve but now I am not so sure if I am ever going to see curves at all!

I have been working out all week and trying to burn plenty of calories so when I get on the scale I don’t go postal on it and break it. I want to get on the scale and smile and have it smile back at me. If the scale remains the same I will see it as a positive thing. The plan for this upcoming weekend is not to gain weight at all! I don’t want to start my 38^th birthday the same way I have started all my birthdays, feeling like a fatass and not having anything to wear. I want to feel healthy, happy and fabulous.

I am able to laugh at myself now because I am comfortable in my own skin. I can get on a scale and see a number I don’t like without crying. I can look at the scale and say okay that’s what you say now, give me time to make you change your mind and you will bitch!  I do not wake-up every day wondering how many calories I am allowed to eat today. I do not wonder every minute of the day how many calories I’ve had. I don’t obsess anymore with wanting to look likes something I know I won’t be able to look like unless I travel to Colombia and get myself a new body to go.  I hate gaining weight just like most women do. I hate trying something on and it not fitting. I hate not being able to wear new trends because they don’t look good for my body type. But I have learned if something does not look right in one size there is always another size. It does not matter if the size is bigger or smaller as long as the size is right for me! This does not mean I am going to let myself go and just buy bigger clothes! It means I must continue working out and maintaining so I can wear the right size for me.

                         "There is nothing more attractive then a woman dressed in confidence!"

 I don’t worry about what people think about me anymore. I don’t worry about what people say about me. The only thing I worry about is what I think of me. The only thing I worry about is making sure I wake up at 4:20 to be at the gym. The only thing I worry about is morning rain so it does not impact my running. The only thing I worry about is making sure I am healthy for my son and my family. The only thing I care about is making sure I fit into my right size. 

My scale told me I had gained weight but my right size told me I was smaller. I tried on pants I had not tried on in 5 years and they fit right! Did they fit me tight, a little but they fit bitches! The scale might say I am heavier but my pants said otherwise. This is why I do not go by scales but I do understand it has a job to do. The job of a scale is to report a number regarding how much my entire body weights as a hole. Fat is just a part of the total, it is not the entire number.  It takes everything else into consideration and less face it fabulousness weights a little extra.

We need to see ourselves as the entire package and

 not just see ourselves by the things we do not like.

I could have given up this past week on my blog, on my challenge and on you. I could have said the hell with this and lost the motivation to continue. I could have lied and said I am on the right track. But I did not! I made the time to come back to the blog and post. I made the time to continue working out and running every day (sometimes even harder and stronger). I made the time to continue to make better decisions with my food intake (with cake exception).  I got back on the elliptical!

If you gave your challenge a break, then let’s get back together! If you continued your challenge, even if you haven’t done it perfect, you did not give in or give up! If you have reached your goal or are almost there, you are exactly the type of motivation we are looking for! Keep it up!

We are not always going to have time to work-out, train, run, walk, etc. We are not always going to stick to a diet. We are not always going to like the number on the scale. We will turn to comfort food. We might like to have a drink or two. We will eat ice cream. We will get annoyed with ourselves for not working out. We will feel the difference when we don’t go out for a jog.  We will kick ourselves in the ass for messing up. Then we own it, accept it and get to it! We start again by getting up and going to the gym.  We do it by going out for a run. We do it by skipping the cookie aisles. We do it by drinking more water and no soda. We do it by cooking our meals at home if we have the time. We do it by controlling our intake. We do it because we can. We do it because we are worth it.  We do it because we deserve it. We do it because we own it. We do it because we are real! If we cannot be real with ourselves then who can we be real with? The past week I enjoyed myself and now it’s time to own my real.

“There is nothing more comforting then owning your own real”

"We often turn to food, drinking, drugs, gambling, spending, etc. to feel better about ourselves. We turn to things to take us away from the reality of the scale or the reality of our lives. We try to escape but only to come back to the reality of our truth. If we can start by finding comfort in our own skin vs. comfort in other things like food, then maybe we can stop running from our reality and instead face it and run towards it with thick skin."

"It is not about finding comfort in food but instead finding comfort in your own skin"

Do you own your real?

 

Loves

gFoReal

 

I will write again sometime this weekend.

I will weigh myself again on Sunday (the day of my birthday, I hope the scale doesn’t make me cry but instead gives me a nice bday present J

 

 

Math 101: Multiple Choice

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Warning: Today’s blog is only about basic intake vs. outtake.  Proceed only if you want to see calories in and calories out through my eyes. Otherwise, proceed to closing the blog and coming back tomorrow.

Math 101: Multiple Choice

Today, I was not able to make it on time to meet up with the Road Runners of Pembroke Pines (just made up that name by the way). I woke up on-time, dragging myself out of bed at 4:20 am. The reason I was running behind was because of toilet duties. I hate when this happens to me but I had no choice. Running with toilet duties SUCKS! I finished with my toilet duties and I am not going to lie, I crawled back to bed. It was around 5:03. I was telling myself F&*K IT! I was tired and the weather did not look like it was going to cooperate. I lay down closed my eyes . I opened them at 5:15 am. As much as I wanted to go to sleep, I couldn’t. It was not because I did not want to but because I did not need to. I needed to burn some calories. I needed to get outside. I needed to go run. So I got up, grabbed my iPhone and went outside. It was around 5:40 and I did not want to run too far by myself. I decided to run around my block. I knew without the running crew, sun or cold weather, it was going to be a tough mental race. I did it anyways. I ran around my house till I made it to 7 miles this morning with 723 calories burned.  As I was running I thought about the blog and all the craziness that comes out of my mouth. I thought that had it not been for the blog I would have gone back to bed.  I was really tired. I think it’s because I woke up very early to exercise. I have tried working out later in the day but it’s not the same feeling for me. The natural high I am on the entire day from my 5am runs or workouts is priceless. I need exercise in my life in order to function happily in this world.

My love for exercise started me thinking how did women function in the 1950’s without any exercise? How did they release stress? How did they keep in shape? How did they stay healthy?  I can only assume that it has to do with the amount of house cleaning work they would do around the house. For some of us career working moms, we sit behind a desk for 40 hrs.  a week. 40 hrs! Do you know what this does to your metabolism? It makes it go to sleep.  In average a women in todays ‘world burns about 556 calories a day just for being.  If you exercise and you burn 500 calories those are additional to what you burn for being you.   

Ladies, our bodies give us 556 FREE calories burned!

I would like to explain to you how I break down my exercise and intake in a way that makes sense to me. I have a background in computer systems but mostly the financial kind, so numbers is something that I can translate into calories.

Please Note: This is my way of looking at calories in vs. calories out. I am not a doctor.

Let’s Begin:

Income is equal to Exercise CALORIES OUT

Bills are equal to Meals and Snacks CALORIES IN

You are going to earn daily 556 calories just for being you. You will use your daily income to pay your daily bills.

Example 1)

Your daily Income = 556 dollars

Your 2^nd daily Income = 0

Daily Bills:

Breakfast – 150

Lunch – 650

Dinner = 750

Snacks = 150

Your total bills = $1700.00

Daily Bills ($1700) – Daily Income ($556) = Daily Balance $1144

In order for your account to be in good standing it needs to at $ 1200 or less (1200 total calories per day to drop weight is what I go by).

This number is below 1200 so your account remains in good standing.

Example 2)

Your daily income = 556 just for being you.

Your daily 2^nd income = 0

Daily Bills

Breakfast = 500

Lunch = 1000

Dinner = 1200

Snacks = 400

Total Daily Bills = 3100

Your Daily Bills (3100) – Your Daily Income (556) = 2544

Good standing is 1200 anything over is consider debit so you need to roll it over to the next day. You are rolling over 2544. You still owe this.

Example 3)

Daily Income = 556 just for being you

2^nd Daily Income = 500

Your Daily Total Income = 1056

Your Daily Meals

Breakfast = 200

Lunch = 650

Dinner = 750

Snack = 100

Total Bills = $1700

Total Income ($1700) – Total Daily Income (1056) = 644 (under 1200, excellent standing!)

Example 4)

Your daily income = 556 just for being you.

2^nd Daily Income = 500

Daily Bills

Breakfast = 750

Lunch = 1000

Dinner = 1500

Snack 1 = 400

Snack 2 = 350

Total Daily Bills = 4000

Your Daily Bills ($4000) – Your Daily Income ($1000) = $3000 (total balance almost triples the 1200 in order to have a daily good standing with your account). It takes 3500 to gain a pound.

And the answer is?:

Example 1)

You did not exercise at all because you did not get credit for your 2^nd income. The 2^nd income equals the calories burned. You controlled your intake (bills).  This is not the formula to use if you are trying to lose weight but maybe maintain.

Example 2)

You did not have a 2^nd income and your bills were way too high! You have a lot of debit starting to pill up (calories).  This is how you gain weight!

Example 3) Correct!

This example is what it is all about!

You had a 2^nd income (exercise) and you kept your bills controlled! Because the number is low then your body starts noticing a deficiency and starts losing weight!
For some it's under 1800 to start see deficiency for others as low as 1200.

Example 4)

This speaks for itself. NO exercise and your bills are so high as if you were paying for 2! (Eating for two). This is how you gain weight!

There is not science to this ladies!

The more we put in the bank and manage to control our bills the quicker we can start saving.

Translation

The more we put into exercise and mange to control our food the quicker we can start losing weight.

It really is all about math, it's all about numbers.

Numbers is the universal language of the world because it is something that everyone understands. Regardless of the path you come from or the path you are on, numbers will always tell a story. They will tell you where you live (your address), who you are (social security), where to reach you (your phone number), you height and the one number must of us seem to dislike, our weight.

If we want to start getting along with the scale, we need to start understanding its number. There is not a lot of difference between balancing your check book and balancing the scale. They both require work, time and understanding subtractions.

Loves,

gFoReal

PS

I will start grading myself based on my 1200 calories achieved.  I give myself a B for only missing it by 152 pts.

Sisterhood Of The Traveling Sports Bra

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Sisterhood of the Traveling Sports Bra

As part of our workout routine today we had to use rowing machines, run 2 miles under 16 minutes and some other crazy shit. Today we had to complete over 2500 rows. I suck at rowing!! Our fearless leader is always riding me hard in an attempt to make me better. Today my machine was next to lets call her Yol. This woman is hardcore. “No bullshit” type and mostly serious (with me). This is why I was surprised when I heard her say “Gretchen Not Like That!” and then took the time to help me. She taught me how to push with my legs, pull with my arms and keep my back straight. I was able to reach for 2500 rows within our time for the first time ever! I have a lot of room for improve but I did it! I was able to accomplish my rows because someone took the time to care and make a difference. I was able to continue because someone was there pushing me not to give up. I was able to follow an example because someone took the time to lead. This is what my blog is all about! It’s about taking the time to share my lessons learned with you. She could have gone on her merry way into 3500 rows but she didn't. She rowed with me row for row till I got it right till I finished.  This is what it's all about ladies! It's about helping each other do better! It's about sharing the pounds! It's about being proud of one another. So what if someone is faster, stronger or better than you. If you have a technique that helps others, share it! If they use your technique and become better than you, let it! If they win the race and you don't even place its okay if that’s the case! YOU are the reason that person became better, you are one of the reasons that person won the race. This makes you a winner in any race! If they thank you, well… If they give you credit, awesome. If they appreciate you, even better. However, if they don't or better yet pretend you had nothing to do with their new motivation or new love for running that's okay too. It is not about what others can do for you but what you can do for others. 

We are all on the same team ladies, our vaginas prove it.

I celebrated my son's second bday last year in Miami's Daddy Bear, a place most people would not be caught dead in. It's old and a little “ghetto fabulous” (well maybe a lot). I consider myself a girl with taste. I could have celebrated his bday in a more suitable place. I didn't. Why? Last year I made a promise to myself that I would stop trying to Keep Up With The Kardashians. What Do I mean by this? I did not want to become the type of parent that is more into making it about herself vs. her kid. I did not want to create a bday party so everyone can talk about the money I spent, how expensive everything was and have them leave with an impression. I wanted to celebrate a bday party where kids would enjoy games, pizza and cake. A bday party that was suitable for a 2 yr old and not a bday that I would spend millions on to be forgotten in 72 days. It wasn't about the biggest cake, the biggest place or the best location. It was about celebrating the moment. Just like, it is not about the firmest breast, tightest ass or smallest waist. It's not about the perfect hair, injections or fillers. It’s about celebrating your moment! The moment you start noticing the difference in your clothes and you know you're one your way. If we as women continue to compete with each other instead of celebrating our sisterhood, we are making the world a very easy place for men to control.

If we don't feel comfortable going to the gym because our stomachs are not flat enough like the girl next to us then we are missing the entire point of a gym and should get our money back!

It's about a routine that works for our schedule. It's about a diet that we can handle. It's about being comfortable in our own skin sisters! It's about helping other sisters become comfortable in theirs!

Let us stop trying to Keep Up With The Kardashians and try keeping up with our waistline instead!

My person (Grey's Anatomy reference) and I were talking the other day. She is in a very great place in her life with her relationship with God. She posts things in FB everyday about her church, her faith and her passion. I explained to her that her OCD was scaring me.  She said to me, "Gretchen, I love god and if I can help one person experience the love I have for him then I have made a difference.”

I realized she and I are not different at all. She wants to motivate people to love God and I want to motivate people to love themselves. She is a follower of her church. I am a follower of the gym. She serves people through her church and I serve people through my blog.  We both have amazing hearts and it is probably the reason she is my person.

It does not matter how much salad we serve, what matters is that we do! 
It does not matter if we skipped our workout today, what matters is that we continue! It does not matter if the scale doesn't change, what matters is that we do! It does not matter that I don't fit into my skinny jeans, what matters is that one day I will!

I have received calls, text and emails thanking me for inspiring and motivating some of you. People are running at 5am, during work or at the gym. You have no idea how humble this makes me. The same way I am making a difference in your life, please know, you are making a difference in mine. 

Women carry a lot of weight inside and outside of the gym. We take care of our kids, husband, family, careers, stay at home and the list goes on and on but we very seldom take care of each other. It is usually a selective circle we call our friends. I say expand that circle! If you have someone that has noticed how much weight you have lost, share the story. If someone is impressed with your running skills, invite them to join you for a run. You have no idea for you might be changing a person’s life.

I started this blog for various reasons. One being, I was invited to run with hardcore runners and have learned a-lot. I thought how cool would it be to share this with others. Exercise and running have turned me into a better person. I hope it does the same for you. I hope one day you have a story to share and motivate someone to get out there and run! Improve their physical fitness life! Show them that together as sisters  we will make a difference.  You guys see in your FB 8 miles completed, 10 miles completed or 12 miles completed from me. You know what I see in mine? I see 22 miles completed, 24 miles completed and 26 miles completed. I get motivated by them. I hope you can get a little motivated by me.  I will look forward to the day when you are ready to post your miles completed, moving it forward and making a difference.

Let's run it forward!

Because in order to finish in any race,

 you need to continue moving it forward!

Find friends that lead by great example and follow them, because one day a friend will be following you. This my sisters is how sisterhoods are born. Some sisterhoods travel in pants while other sisterhoods travel in sports bras. It does not matter in what we travel as long as we travel together.

Loves,

gFoReal

 PS Today I give me self a C+. Again, the eating not so great but not that bad. Just not great.

Fat Girls Need Love Too!

Fat girls need love too!

 

I woke up at 7am today. God that felt good! I think this is the only reason I don’t have a case of the Mondays. I felt like a normal person. I think Mondays are going to become my warm-up days. What do I mean by warm-up days? It will be the day that I do cardio for beginners at home on my elliptical machine. I will burn some calories and brain cells watching New Jersey Housewives. It is days like today that I am glad my husband decided to purchase the elliptical; otherwise, I would not have been able to work-out. It was raining in the morning so no running and I can’t take a class at the gym unless our fearless leader is teaching it. So hurray to my hubby!

My husband decided to get an elliptical last year. He had his entire workout laid out. It included cardio using the elliptical 3 times a week. We also got the elliptical because after I had the baby, I was 40 lbs. overweight even after the famous "water reduction". I gained 60 lbs. with my pregnancy. I was so depressed with the way I looked, I remember taking a shower at home my first day back from the hospital and I started crying in the shower so no one can hear me. I cried because I had a baby that I loved but I didn’t understand what had become of my body. I never had a knockout one to begin with but F&*K! I cried because I felt ashamed to feel this way. This was the moment I knew I had two choices. 1) I needed to snap out of it quick or 2) I was going to end up in a serious G depression!  I knew I needed to get on my game soon but how?

I was lucky I did not have to wait till I stopped breastfeeding. I was one of those moms that did not breast feed. My son did not like my breast or my breast milk. He must have sensed that I found something disturbing with my son sucking my tit. I know most mothers reading this are going to burn me for saying this. I have friends that truly enjoyed this experience and I love them for never making me feel less of a mother because I didn’t (well maybe they talked shit but behind my back but at my age all is forgiven). I hear breastfeeding is the most amazing experience. I hear it gives kids all the vitamins and minerals they need. I hear the bond that develops between a mother and child during the breastfeeding phase is unbreakable.  This must explain why it took my son and me two yrs. to get along. Don't get me wrong he had me at first cry, first kick, first heartbeat, and first shitty diaper. The moment I knew he was conceived I became his bitch. But when we first met we hardly spoke. Thinking back now, I think I experienced post-partum depression. I was depressed because the body I had pre looked nothing like the body I had post. I think I was resentful but not towards my son but towards me. I ate during my pregnancy the foods that I love to eat. I fell  in love with bread like never before and drank sweet tea 24/7. I ate good, bad and ugly. I knew I was going to have to drop some weight but was not prepared for how much weight. I became obsessed. All I could think about was “I will not go back to being the fat girl I was in junior high, high school, college!”. I developed my plan of attack and I was ready to attack the fat rolls!

I would run on my treadmill at home in the morning and also during lunch at work. I would take a quick shower, put my clothes back on and pick up my sweaty nasty hair in a bun. I am sure I smelled like shit during some of those meetings! It was either smelling like shit or being thin. Thin won! I did this for 6 months!!! I was able to drop 15 more lbs. Then I joined a gym and got a trainer. I started working out at 5am because I did not want to take time from Doogie. I was having a hard time as it is with being a working mother. I thought this was adding to my attachment issues. I was traumatized that because of my “mouth problem" he was not going to love me. I actually believed for a moment that God was paying me back for having a mind and mouth of my own. Now as I am older I know the only thing that is wrong with my mouth is that I can't keep it closed long enough around carbs or chocolate! I have a mouth but don't confuse it with a problem! “What comes out of my mouth are my words, how you interpret them is your problem!” (Damn that sounded good). I will not be made to feel ashamed because I am real, fat or skinny! People love to judge and provide issues but they never bring solutions!

The past two years I have eliminated waste, all kinds of waste
 from employers to friends, from fries to chocolate.

My heart feels lighter and my pants less tighter!

I made a decision to stop seeing the chubby girl in the mirror! I decided to smell the diet Roses and love what I have, who I am, what I do and how I do it! In my opinion, chubby girls like me, we don't grow up with strong attitudes because we have good self-esteem, we grow-up fighting for self-esteem so we can develop strong attitudes. My damn lack of self-esteem affected the bond I had with my son. In my head I needed to be a size 36 breast, 24 waist and 36 hips to be his mom.

 

When I got serious about dropping weight and toning up my life changed! I have always been into running and dabbled with fitness but never committed to it. Becoming a mother gave me many gifts including the gift of second chances. This time around I was going to get it right or fall on the treadmill trying! Hell, I was going to love me! I started liking who I saw in the mirror! I started treating myself nicer. I started taking care of myself better. I started bringing down the walls! And, when those walls came tumbling down the love of my son was right there waiting for me.

Self-esteem leads to loving yourself the right way

Weight has a lot to do with how we treat ourselves. For some women how much we weigh is how we act, how we feel and how we love. Weight will make or break a person who has struggled with weight issues all their lives. Being thin does not come easy for some of us. We live our lives on diet, exercise and trends. It is exhausting! I have been dieting all my life and I am tired!! Where are my 130 pounds! We have to struggle day in and day out with a waist line! Do you know how hard it is to hide fat rolls in skinny jeans? It's an art! 

You have no idea how thankful I am to Dr G's Wellness program for introducing me to their diet plan. It is expensive and pills are part of the plan but it changed my life. It gave me the jump that I needed to change my self -inflicted image disorder. I am not in any way promoting DrG for anyone. I am just being real because I don't want to do a Jennifer Hudson on you. She continues to promote she lost weight with Jenny Craig but my opinion forgets to mention her tummy tucks. I don't want you to think dropping 60 lbs for me was as easy as drinking vodka tonics. It was not! I needed help and I looked for a program that was right for me. I wanted to be responsible for Doogie and felt with a doctor I would feel safer.

People do tummy tucks, I do Dr.G (not do him do him but I do him).

Today was not a bad day or good day with food. I didn't eat anything that grows on trees or plants. I didn't have anything that comes from animals either. This gives you an idea that my diet was blah. However, I didn't have fast food or sweets.  I burned my 501 calories. I was cool with that for today. I have noticed my cravings are decreasing each day. I haven't had the urge to have anything sweet today. THIS IS HUGE FOR ME! I find this to be the hardest part of my diets. Sweets are my drug of choice. However, I am learning to have a different relationship with them.

It’s okay for me to like sweets but not more than I love me! 

Loving yourself is the most important element in life to be able to succeed in anything. Exercising, running and dieting introduced me to my self-esteem. It has always been there but I was too scared to acknowledge it. I knew it was going to require hard work that I was not willing to put in like exercise, running and dieting. I am glad my son changed that fear in me. His heart made me find mine.

You see, my son doesn't care that his mom is chubby, that she has saggy breast, flat ass and rolls on her stomach. He doesn't see her insecurities or her wrinkles on her forehead. All my son sees is his mother, his mom, his mommy. A badass-bitch, gordita -fabulous girl name Gretchen,

 that sometimes goes by the name of G.

 

Loves,

 

gFoReal

 

 

PS

My grade today is a C+

I am going to try for a B the rest of the week.

Size Matters! (when you rest)

Size Matters When You Rest

And today on the 7^th day, after all my first week’s work was done, I rested. I took the day off from working out or running. I decided to rest and get my body ready for week 2 of G’s challenge. I must say, I have a love-hate relationship with rest days. I know my body needs them but my mind loves to kick the guilt-trip into overdrive. I understand the point of taking rest days; it allows my body and muscles to heal from the wear and tear during the week. It prepares me to do better each week. However, the problem with resting for hardcore carb lovers like me is the guilt of being lazy. What happens if one day of rest becomes five straight days of lazy? Is this how all exercise programs fail? Is resting the beginning of the end? Is it easy to hit the pause button for 1 day and press play the very next? Is resting the reason all dieters fall off the wagon? What about for people like me that become obsessive compulsive? I need to go run. I need to go run. I need to go run! Is taking a day of rest as easy as it sounds? Is taking a day of rest easier than giving up Facebook for a day? (Please take whatever you want but not my Crackbook!) When your mind cannot handle the pleasure of rest does it trick you into thinking you are lazy?

I think rest days are not only needed but are also necessary. Your body needs to rest in order to continue. The problem for me is sometimes I confuse a day of rest with a ticket of all-you-can-eat (like today). I justify myself with being good all week. The scale said I lost 4 lbs. so let me have my café con leche (coffee with milk for my non-speaking Spanish readers) for breakfast with Cuban pastries. I will have 2 of the mini guavas please. I allowed myself to give in to my husband’s Sunday Football marathon and ordered Pizza. Yes, I ate a salad with no dressing and 2 thin slices of pizza. This was my menu today for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This pattern of mine friends is the reason I gain weight right when I am in the middle of losing it! This is why this blog was created in hopes that by writing the truth, I break the habit.

Rest day + all you can eat = diet assassination

We all need rest but we need to rest smart! What I did today was not resting smart. Why? Because I did not plan ahead. In rest days, I need to make sure that I have enough healthy groceries at home to cook healthy meals. It is not the day to do groceries but to have them! On rest days, I need to plan better! I need to allow myself one cheat meal but only one. If I want to indulge in carbs I MUST control the size of my portions.  

In sex, size might not matter but on diets, size is all that matters

(the size of your portions!)

Listen, we all have our favorite foods that make us weak. We all have those weak moments when playing hard to get leads to giving in.  I know when something is not good for me is when I want it most. I know when I need to run away before I give in. I know when to open Pandora’s Kit Kat box and when to leave it closed. I am the type of person that once I taste something I really like, it’s really hard for me to give it up.  This is why rest days are very sensitive because I don't have my guard up! Today, compared to my other lazy Sunday’s, I did see major improvement! There were days that I would snack all day long. I am not sure if it was due to anxiety or just being home on a rainy day. This Sunday was different. I   had NO anxiety (well only when Doogie decided to pee all over my clean floors, potty training), therefore, I did not over eat. I cheated but did not cheat again and again.  I also noticed that during the week it was much easier for me to handle cravings. When I work out I feel I on my game, therefore, it’s hard for a piece of carb to break me. I have weak moments with sweets but I have them controlled with only 1 after lunch and 1 after dinner (no more than 160 calories combined). When I work out, temptation can kiss my ass! I make my cravings settle for nothing and like it.

Control your cravings don’t let them control you

Guilt is hard to ignore during rest days. If I have a kickass workout week, then the last thing I want to do is screw it up by resting. If I rest I feel guilty. Guilt is felt when a person violates their morals. Like the one night stand(s) we all had in our 20s. This type of behavior leads us to feel guilty (well maybe not men). We need to differentiate between guilt for pleasure and guilt for pain. Taking a rest day should not make you feel guilty! You deserve to rest for all the hard work you have put it (guilty pleasure). However, taking a permanent rest from any workout routine without the recommendation of a doctor should make you feel like shit! It violates the contract that you have made with yourself to become a healthier fabulous you! Rest your body one day a week so your mind can focus on exercising 1 hr a day, 6 days a week.

A good friend of mine has 3 kids under the age of 5! Yes 5! She is a full time mom, wife and career woman. She is always crazy busy and rarely ever has time for herself. She texted me today, "I am running!”.  Her text brought tears to my eyes. No, not because I motivated her (actually, I am not even sure she reads my blogs) but because she is an example of my message through G’s Challenge. She found the time within her crazy busy family life to matter! She made the time to say "I am sick of feeling bad about myself. I got this G! Won’t stop can’t stop!” She is making it happen. Are you? She is questioning herself, her miles are not good enough or time should be better. I told her “Get that shit out of you head and Run”. Guilt can be the best motivator but it can also be the reason to fail. Many moms feel guilty for leaving their kids for a workout. I say this, think about the women in the army that leave their kids months or years during deployment. They have all the right to feel guilty. We on the other hand have no right to feel guilty! After our workouts we are blessed to come home to our children every single day! Please do not misunderstanding me, all of us struggle with guilt. However, the only time one should feel guilty regarding exercise when you are NOT having enough of it!

My next date with the scale is Saturday. The old G would have felt super guilty for having the pizza I had today. This G is going to use the pizza that I just ate as fuel to own the streets of Pembroke Pines this week! I am going to get on that scale on Saturday and own it bitches! Regardless of the result, I will continue to run because I take my passion and I make it happen!

I will continue with my G Challenge because I matter! I will continue because I want to fit into my closet! I want to learn that taking care of my health is not just about working out beast mode style and eating healthy but also about resting and not feeling guilty. This is why controlling your portions is key during rest day. It helps control the guilt!

Size Does Matter! It helps control your Guilt!

Do you have a rest day?

Loves,

gFoReal

PS How did you guys do this week? Is anyone still with me?

My grade for today is a C-.

Selfish Vs. Fat (who you rather?)

Selfish vs. Fat

(who'd you rather?)

 

I wake up late again but with enough time to get to the gym for my 5:45am class. I was five minutes away when I got pulled over. The officer looks at me and I can tell he was surprised to see it was not a drunk person or a teenager driving like a punk. It was a mother driving to the gym at 5:30 am on a Saturday morning. I was going over the speed limit to get to the gym on time. I never drive fast these days because I have Doogie in the car with me most of the time. The officer laughed at my story, was understanding but managed to give me a $280 ticket. Ouch. While I wait for the ticket another cop car stops. Then he asked, do you need back-up? And my cop said, "Na, it's a mom trying to get to the gym on time." By the time he gave me the ticket, it was way too late to make it to the gym at all. This is my second Saturday in a row that I miss out on my 90 minute workout. I made a u-turn and went home. I was praying that it would not rain because I needed to make up the 90 minute workout somehow. I got home, parked my car, changed my high socks and off I went running. It was insane how humid it was. It was rough to complete the 8 miles but I had a goal to burn 800 calories.

When I got home around 7:30am Doogie was getting up and asking for mama pancakes. When I had a chance, I start checking emails, twitter, Facebook etc. In Facebook I noticed two of my best friends liked one of those e-cards that said "some people call it letting your-self go, I call it putting my kids needs before my own. You should try it sometime." And so my rant begins.

First, I want to make it clear the two friends that liked the e-card are so pretty and well maintained that a bad looking day for them is a good day for the rest of us. They both dropped all the baby weight within weeks and rock a bikini like no one's business. I can appreciate why they like this comment. NO matter how much they think they have let themselves go, TRUST THEY HAVE NOT!

As for me, I could not disagree more with this BS!!! How dare thee!!! Are you telling me that women must look like shit in order to have happy kids? Are you telling me that we must stay fat because our kids need us? Are you telling me that we must walk around with overdue roots because our kids need us around 24/7? Are you telling me that we should not have a spa day because our kids cannot do without us? Are you telling me we should not hire help or turn to our family for help because our kids only need us? Are you telling me that I can’t have my breast done because my kid needs it more than I do? Are you telling me that I should not join a gym because I am taking away time from my kids? Are you telling me waking up at 4:20am is selfish of me because my kids aren’t up yet? ARE YOU FUC%$#@ SERIOUS?!

Let me tell you what my kid needs whoever wrote that sack of bullshit! My kid needs a healthy mother that understands the difference between what he needs and what he wants! My kid needs me to be physically fit to run around with him and run after him! My kid needs for me to come home stress free so I can dedicate time to him without having 100 things to worry about. My kid needs for me to eat healthy so I can cook healthy meals for him. My kid needs to see his father and mother laughing and smiling to teach him how to laugh and smile. My kid needs for his mommy to feel good about herself in order to be a good mother. My kid needs for mommy to have a mommy day to read a book, go to the spa or catch a movie so mommy can decompress. My kid needs to understand that needing me is one thing but helicopter parenting is another  (that will be another blog).My kid needs to understand that as much as I want him to stay with me all his life, he can’t because I need to share him with the rest of the world. I need to share him with his father because he is my other half. I need to share him with his grandparents because they are his life. I need to share him with family because that’s what he will be left with when we are gone. I need to share him with friends so he can understand the meaning of friendship. I need to share him with school so he can get an education. I need to share him with music classes so he can develop his passion. I need to share him with soccer classes so he can develop coordination. I need to share him with god because god is the one that shared him with me first. (For those of you that don’t’ believe in god, I understand, but this is my blog and I get to believe what I want).

As for what I need? I need to run. I need to run for the sake of sanity. I need to run for the free endorphins. I need to run to be the winner in my own race. I need to run to feel like a champ. I need to run to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror. I need to run to stay around for as long as I can. I need to watch what I eat to install good habits in my son. I do my hair, toes, wax, manicure, roots, Botox, etc. because I like it! I need to feel that getting close to 40 is not about bring sexy back but about making sure it never leaves! Running is what I like and being a mother is who I am. I don’t have to choose between running and being a mother. I don’t need to choose between letting myself go vs. being selfish.  I am a mother who does her runs and exercise while the rest of the household sleeps! This is my time! My date with the streets of Pembroke Pines and Coldplay’s playlist.
 

Having a child is the most unselfish act one human can do for another. To be told that it's okay to look like shit, stay fat and let yourself go as long as you're attending to your kids needs is not only outdated and insulting but it also makes you sound like an asshole.

My time, my body, my kid, my life.

How I manage "it" is on me, how you judge "it" is on you.

I burned 829 calories today. I ate well. I ate some sweets at a baby shower. I did not drink any wine, drinks or soda. I ate all my veggies and 1 slice of bread. I did this all without my kid around. My son was with his dad having a boy’s day. I knew that if I took him with me to the baby shower he would get bored. I knew he wasn’t going to like the food or the games. I knew he would rather go eat pizza and then to the book store to get new bed time books. I knew he’d rather go check out his new drum set that his grandparents might get him for his birthday. I knew he needed to take his nap in between. I knew he was going to come running into my room telling me “mama I go with dada, l luff you mama.” I told my husband what to do if he got cranky, how much pizza he can have and around the time he would need his nap. If this isn't putting your kids needs first then I don't know what is! I know all this things because I have been by his side ever single day since he got to planet earth. I know this because I am his mother! It does not matter the quantity of time I have to give him what matters is the quality of time I do give him.

“A mother with endorphins is the happiest mother a child can have, you should try it sometime.” (Now this quote deserves the like button)

 

Loves,

 

gFoReal

 

PS

We have mothers from all roads of the world. How each mother decides to parent should never be judged. How each mother decides to look while she parents will always be judged? We need to do better!

 

PSS

The grade I give myself today is a B.