Fat Girls Need Love Too!

Fat girls need love too!

 

I woke up at 7am today. God that felt good! I think this is the only reason I don’t have a case of the Mondays. I felt like a normal person. I think Mondays are going to become my warm-up days. What do I mean by warm-up days? It will be the day that I do cardio for beginners at home on my elliptical machine. I will burn some calories and brain cells watching New Jersey Housewives. It is days like today that I am glad my husband decided to purchase the elliptical; otherwise, I would not have been able to work-out. It was raining in the morning so no running and I can’t take a class at the gym unless our fearless leader is teaching it. So hurray to my hubby!

My husband decided to get an elliptical last year. He had his entire workout laid out. It included cardio using the elliptical 3 times a week. We also got the elliptical because after I had the baby, I was 40 lbs. overweight even after the famous "water reduction". I gained 60 lbs. with my pregnancy. I was so depressed with the way I looked, I remember taking a shower at home my first day back from the hospital and I started crying in the shower so no one can hear me. I cried because I had a baby that I loved but I didn’t understand what had become of my body. I never had a knockout one to begin with but F&*K! I cried because I felt ashamed to feel this way. This was the moment I knew I had two choices. 1) I needed to snap out of it quick or 2) I was going to end up in a serious G depression!  I knew I needed to get on my game soon but how?

I was lucky I did not have to wait till I stopped breastfeeding. I was one of those moms that did not breast feed. My son did not like my breast or my breast milk. He must have sensed that I found something disturbing with my son sucking my tit. I know most mothers reading this are going to burn me for saying this. I have friends that truly enjoyed this experience and I love them for never making me feel less of a mother because I didn’t (well maybe they talked shit but behind my back but at my age all is forgiven). I hear breastfeeding is the most amazing experience. I hear it gives kids all the vitamins and minerals they need. I hear the bond that develops between a mother and child during the breastfeeding phase is unbreakable.  This must explain why it took my son and me two yrs. to get along. Don't get me wrong he had me at first cry, first kick, first heartbeat, and first shitty diaper. The moment I knew he was conceived I became his bitch. But when we first met we hardly spoke. Thinking back now, I think I experienced post-partum depression. I was depressed because the body I had pre looked nothing like the body I had post. I think I was resentful but not towards my son but towards me. I ate during my pregnancy the foods that I love to eat. I fell  in love with bread like never before and drank sweet tea 24/7. I ate good, bad and ugly. I knew I was going to have to drop some weight but was not prepared for how much weight. I became obsessed. All I could think about was “I will not go back to being the fat girl I was in junior high, high school, college!”. I developed my plan of attack and I was ready to attack the fat rolls!

I would run on my treadmill at home in the morning and also during lunch at work. I would take a quick shower, put my clothes back on and pick up my sweaty nasty hair in a bun. I am sure I smelled like shit during some of those meetings! It was either smelling like shit or being thin. Thin won! I did this for 6 months!!! I was able to drop 15 more lbs. Then I joined a gym and got a trainer. I started working out at 5am because I did not want to take time from Doogie. I was having a hard time as it is with being a working mother. I thought this was adding to my attachment issues. I was traumatized that because of my “mouth problem" he was not going to love me. I actually believed for a moment that God was paying me back for having a mind and mouth of my own. Now as I am older I know the only thing that is wrong with my mouth is that I can't keep it closed long enough around carbs or chocolate! I have a mouth but don't confuse it with a problem! “What comes out of my mouth are my words, how you interpret them is your problem!” (Damn that sounded good). I will not be made to feel ashamed because I am real, fat or skinny! People love to judge and provide issues but they never bring solutions!

The past two years I have eliminated waste, all kinds of waste
 from employers to friends, from fries to chocolate.

My heart feels lighter and my pants less tighter!

I made a decision to stop seeing the chubby girl in the mirror! I decided to smell the diet Roses and love what I have, who I am, what I do and how I do it! In my opinion, chubby girls like me, we don't grow up with strong attitudes because we have good self-esteem, we grow-up fighting for self-esteem so we can develop strong attitudes. My damn lack of self-esteem affected the bond I had with my son. In my head I needed to be a size 36 breast, 24 waist and 36 hips to be his mom.

 

When I got serious about dropping weight and toning up my life changed! I have always been into running and dabbled with fitness but never committed to it. Becoming a mother gave me many gifts including the gift of second chances. This time around I was going to get it right or fall on the treadmill trying! Hell, I was going to love me! I started liking who I saw in the mirror! I started treating myself nicer. I started taking care of myself better. I started bringing down the walls! And, when those walls came tumbling down the love of my son was right there waiting for me.

Self-esteem leads to loving yourself the right way

Weight has a lot to do with how we treat ourselves. For some women how much we weigh is how we act, how we feel and how we love. Weight will make or break a person who has struggled with weight issues all their lives. Being thin does not come easy for some of us. We live our lives on diet, exercise and trends. It is exhausting! I have been dieting all my life and I am tired!! Where are my 130 pounds! We have to struggle day in and day out with a waist line! Do you know how hard it is to hide fat rolls in skinny jeans? It's an art! 

You have no idea how thankful I am to Dr G's Wellness program for introducing me to their diet plan. It is expensive and pills are part of the plan but it changed my life. It gave me the jump that I needed to change my self -inflicted image disorder. I am not in any way promoting DrG for anyone. I am just being real because I don't want to do a Jennifer Hudson on you. She continues to promote she lost weight with Jenny Craig but my opinion forgets to mention her tummy tucks. I don't want you to think dropping 60 lbs for me was as easy as drinking vodka tonics. It was not! I needed help and I looked for a program that was right for me. I wanted to be responsible for Doogie and felt with a doctor I would feel safer.

People do tummy tucks, I do Dr.G (not do him do him but I do him).

Today was not a bad day or good day with food. I didn't eat anything that grows on trees or plants. I didn't have anything that comes from animals either. This gives you an idea that my diet was blah. However, I didn't have fast food or sweets.  I burned my 501 calories. I was cool with that for today. I have noticed my cravings are decreasing each day. I haven't had the urge to have anything sweet today. THIS IS HUGE FOR ME! I find this to be the hardest part of my diets. Sweets are my drug of choice. However, I am learning to have a different relationship with them.

It’s okay for me to like sweets but not more than I love me! 

Loving yourself is the most important element in life to be able to succeed in anything. Exercising, running and dieting introduced me to my self-esteem. It has always been there but I was too scared to acknowledge it. I knew it was going to require hard work that I was not willing to put in like exercise, running and dieting. I am glad my son changed that fear in me. His heart made me find mine.

You see, my son doesn't care that his mom is chubby, that she has saggy breast, flat ass and rolls on her stomach. He doesn't see her insecurities or her wrinkles on her forehead. All my son sees is his mother, his mom, his mommy. A badass-bitch, gordita -fabulous girl name Gretchen,

 that sometimes goes by the name of G.

 

Loves,

 

gFoReal

 

 

PS

My grade today is a C+

I am going to try for a B the rest of the week.